Sunday, March 29, 2009

A wise man once told me...

A wise man once told me that you can't be completely dependent on someone. He said if you are you'll just get too wrapped up in the heat of time and eventually get hurt. being dependent isnt all that either. it hurts. living your life on your own could be the best way to go. just you. just me. maybe i'll never get married. it's starting to become clear to me now that guys ENJOY hurting girls.(WHATS UP WITH THAT?) and i think it might be easier to just go it alone. you would never have to worry about someone else, then again it might be nice having someone be there for you, always. who knows? maybe i'll end up alone, as long as i got ekko and my dogs ill be okay :)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


okay well i feel pretty poetic at the moment. so im just gonna write a poem.... (:

while you pass me down the hall,
i remember our very last call.
from our first kiss to our last touch,
where could we have lost it all?

they say true love comes around once.
what if we're made for eachother, but we just went seperate ways?
i miss the old days.
how you'd rub my back, and i'd hold you close.
how every night at eight we'd talk on the phone.
how we would laugh at the same things, and cry for the same song.
where did we go wrong?

i love it when you kiss my cheek, when you see me and smile, perfectly.
i wish i could punch you, and screw you up for good.
but i could never forget all the times we've shared.
from twilight to publix to my backyard,
something real is still there.

EKKO you guys know who this is about..i miss him alot tonight for some reason. but i'm just gonna go for a run and run away from his memories. gosh guys, this sucks so much.


Everyone has a first love. If it’s the quarter back on your high school football team, or your guy best friend, somehow your first love always means the most to you. But could it be that these devious men are just using us? Do they just want someone to call their own? Do they even love us back? What do we mean to them? The truth is we probably don’t mean much at all. As we’re daydreaming about their sparkly eyes and perfect smile, they’re probably off flirting with some bleach blonde playgirl that has no intentions of anything more than a one night fling. These guys have no idea what they’re putting us through is the truth. Love in this century means compatibility. It is sad, but complete truth. It is my own belief that the perfect love may no longer exist. In the fiery halls we walk as we go from relationship to relationship, we come to the conclusion that we just want somebody who can get along with us. Anything less than that won’t work. In the midst of failed relationships, there comes a point where you feel as though nothing in your life could ever be compatible with a guy. Then, you meet the perfect stranger. Tall, dark, handsome, everything you’ve waited for. He’s just another jerk like the rest of them. We grow older; we yearn for a true relationship, a family, a nice big house. So we settle, but how do we know if settling is right? Will there ever come a time when guys can grow up and fall In love?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Late Night!

So i can't fall asleep. I really can't wait for this summer. I'm dying to audition for a play that isn't, how do I put this nicely...Stoffle-Directed. And a whole summer free of silly middle school drama, JONATHAN FAT MARTIN, wizard of oz, and most importantly the EX. This summer will probably be the summer of my life. Even though I'll be out of town pretty much the whole time, I'm so happy EKKO is going to be connected in such an amazing way. We all deserve a great summer after this less than happy year. I mean some points have been great! Meeting EKKO was the best. The breakup is still in my head, though. All I can do is write about it. Goodness it feels good to get everything out! I feel more free being able to write outloud. if you know what i mean. Wow I feel even more tired already! I love you EKKO. This summer will be amazing.


So me and my best friends, Ellie, Katie, and Kelly, have this little group that we call EKKO. It's all of our names mashed together[Ellie, Katie, Kelly, Olivia]. We have this idea that we're going to share a "traveling rock" over the summer since we will all be far apart. We got close in the funniest way, we were all dumped. It's crazy too! We are all strong girls who really liked our boyfriends! Katie probably had the worst breakup, but that's her story to tell. Mine was pretty bad, too. So, it all started out September 9th. I remember the day perfectly, Angelo asked me if I would go out with him and I said definitley, I really liked him and over the next couple weeks my feelings for him grew even more intense. Sometimes I felt like it couldn't be real, I couldn't like anybody that much. It's just impossible. How can you lust over somebody so intensly, so young? I think I must have let my guard down a little. I never thought we would break up. I had never liked anybody so much. Then it happened. We had gotten pretty close, and I was now more happy than ever. Christmas day flew by, I was so happy I got all my new gifts, but what I was really happy about was that I had such an amazing boyfriend. That night we had a little fight, I thought nothing of it, though. Sure enough, he got HIS FRIEND to call me at 10:38PM and say, "Angelo doesn't wanna date you anymore." I threw the phone at the wall. My mom had just got out for a walk, and I ran to her and cried and cried..and cried. It was the worst day of my life, LEGIT. Then, somehow I forgave him. And somehow I went back out with him, and somehow I let myself like him again. And somehow he started changing, And somehow I got my heart broken again, but this time I dumped him. I guess that just goes to show how you fall so hard for some guys. There is not way to explain it. You just let your guard down and you can't help but to like them..and like them...and like them. Guys are still pretty immature, which sucks because I just want a guy who knows how to treat me. I don't think there are alot of great guys out there. In fact, I doubt there's even alot of okay guys out there. Someday, though, I will find my perfect match. Someone who compliments all aspects of me, who loves me and is ALWAYS there for me, someone who would never hurt me. The right guy, will never make you cry. The guy for me isn't Angelo Jankowski.